History of Venezuelan Democracy

A few months ago I was out on a date with a friend of mine I can't have sex with. I can't have sex with her not because she doesn't put out or because she has some kind of genetic disorder or something like that, I just can't stand her. Yet when I spend enough time without dipping my brush in the paintcan (intercourse, that is) I forget about how unbearable she is.

After a while browsing Facebook and looking at pictures of my friends in bikini on their summer vacations I stumble with her picture. Nice ass, nice face, and she seems easy enough. Sure shot. I get brainwashed and dive into my cellphone and ask her out. Seems simple because she says yes without much foreplay.

We go out to the movies and I have the worst time of my life. It's like drinking cancer out of a broken glass with razorblades glued to the edges. I hate her. We have a bite later and I try not to throw up my intestines in the restaurant. I swallow vomit and the moment of silence I get from almost passing out after tasting acid feels like heaven after hearing this girl talk.

I tell her I'm going to the bathroom but I bail to the parking lot. This date is over. I'd rather go home and jerk off thinking about Nat Geo magazines.

So there I am, walking out on a date, still horny as hell, to my car. Then it happens.

"Sir, can you help me?"

What the fuck?! Those are my thoughts, because I'm speechless.

It's Hugo Chávez. Yes, the president of Venezuela. But he looks young, lean and cancerless.

"What the hell, man? Are you Chávez?"

He nods.

"Yes, I am. I've been sent from the past to witness the future. I'm supposed to observe how my actions reverb through time and decide whether run for president or not. But I'm lost and I don't have any money."

Also, he's butt naked. He explains to me that he used the same technology they have in Terminator 2 for time travel. I get it... and I don't give a fuck, I'm still horny. So I get a great idea. I check my pockets and find 10 bolivares.

"Here, you can suck my dick for 10 bolivares."

He doubts. I bargain.

"Come on, it's not gay to suck a man's dick in the future. I do it all the time." Bullshit, it's fucking gay to suck someone's dick. Could I be gay for getting a blowjob from a dude? No, because I'd be thinking about chicks. Or maybe yes, I just want to blow off some steam; no pun intended.

Anyways, he accepts and I whip out my penis out of my trousers and Chávez starts sucking like there's ice cream around my genitals. I think that's the most silent memory I have of him.

I'm not hard yet and you can't blame me. He makes eye contact and it totally freaks me out. After all, his eyeballs are huge and bloodshot, they're like crystal balls. I fell like a fucking clairvoyant when I stare into those things.

Nevermind. I look away and fantasize about some other shit. I get hard and then it's on. I'm getting my money's worth.

Yes, I was fucking his face and he was digging it while I was thinking about some ex girlfriend or pornstar. 

Then I realize I'm going to drop the load. I figure he's not going to swallow, so I hold on to the back of his head and push it agains my genitals -totally raping his mouth. Well, it's not rape if I'm paying for it.

Then I come.

Chavez struggles and gargles. I pinch his nose and force him to swallow. Then I pull out and drop the 10 bucks on the floor. 

"Fuck yeah, man. You should be the president," I say.

He wipes his mouth and travels back to the past amid electrical discharges and wind -Terminator kind of shit.

And that's the reason why things happened as they did.

okbye.